Sit down we need to have a talk.
Look, we have been through a lot together. For so many years we've been partners in this marriage and let's face it a lot of it has been fun. Remember when we found gold and you sent all those miners here? Or that time those Jewish immigrants from the East Coast got tired of being harassed by that Edison fellow and came here to make Hollywood a worldwide symbol of creative fervor? And who could ever forget all those ships we built in Richmond or planes in Los Angeles. We changed the world, then we saved the world, then we changed the world again. You and us, together.
And we had our share of tough times too, I'll admit it. Some of them were our fault, others yours, but we were always able to work things out. But for the last several years you've been changing. Once you proudly took in the huddled masses yearning to breathe free. Now you talk about building walls and making lists. Once you proudly boasted of your prowess in both science AND the arts. Now you denigrate anyone who shows any intellectual capability greater than a Jeopardy contestant. Once you dared to say we can put a man on the moon then went out and did it. Now you say leave me alone I wanna watch the game. Watch it, not even play it.
Once you elected men of ideas and ideals to the presidency, men like Lincoln and Roosevelt (both of them). Now you've gone one step too far and we can't let this go on anymore. Making a man president who is manifestly unfit, an admitted sex offender, who pals around with neo-Nazis (no, make that real Nazis), who is a crooked real estate con-man, who finds it convenient to not believe experts in any field, who probably is mentally unbalanced and definitely passes the established tests police and psychologists use to establish someone as a psychopath and oh by the way he polled two and a half million fewer votes than this opponent is just beyond the pale.
Look we tried to make you a better country. We tried to make you realize that when you accept everyone as an equal, everyone benefits. You don't lose any of yourself by saying someone else's life has validity. We tried to make you realize that being polite and being concerned about the other guy makes it easier for everyone to get along, but you mocked it as merely "political correctness". It's not political at all, but it is being correct because that person over there isn't a race or a gender or a skin tone or a nationality. That person is a human being and they deserve to be treated with respect.
America, California wants a divorce.
We just can't do this anymore. We just can't keep pretending that it doesn't bother us that you end up listening to those drinking buddies of yours in that great swath of red states instead of those of us who really have your best interests at heart. Here's the reality, while they may be fun to pal around with and drink beer with and watch the game with, they don't contribute anything. They don't innovate, they don't create, they just sit around all day and grouse about how someone else is the cause of all their problems, usually someone who has more melanin in their skin. You find them so easy to be with because they give you simple, easy answers to life's tough questions. They're what the twelve steppers call enablers. And while they grouse and complain you need to ask yourself, is their economy the sixth largest in the world? Do they have virtually no unemployment? Is their air and water cleaner then it was twenty years ago? Hell, even the things that are bad here, like the drought we are in, that we know the cause of (climate change) they want to pretend doesn't exist. I got news for you, they are not your friends. They, and the man they voted for, are not going to make you great again.
Yet time and again you disregard us and all the examples we have set and listen to them call us "fruits and fairies that don't know nothing about real life" and then AGREE WITH THEM. You want to be with us, but you want to agree with them. You can't have it both ways. We're not going to take it anymore.
So we're walking. We want nothing more to do with you. Nothing. Well, maybe something with New Orleans or New York. No..no..have to be strong. Even the stuff we love about you we are willing to give up to get our sanity back.
And speaking of getting things back, we want our stuff back. I know you put your name on a lot of it, but we both know it belongs to us. So give us back our computers and our iPhones and our movies and our TV shows. And don't forget all that food the Central Valley has been sending your way all these years, not to mention all the wine and beer.
You can keep Disney world, we've got Disneyland.
Of course don't forget also about the money. All those trillions of dollars we send you every year that never gets spent on things we care about like single payer healthcare or cleaning up the environment. What was it you spent it all on? You NEEDED that new battleship? Just like you NEEDED that new bomber plane and the tax breaks for the rich and the bailouts for Wall Street. We have had it with handing our social security money over to you and you wasting it on a subsidies for oil companies. Those guys make billions each year, they don't need more money from us. In short, we're tired of making the money and you throwing it away on useless toys and trying to buy your way into having friends. We don't want to be a part of that anymore.
We will keep the children. And by that we mean the immigrants. We know you really don't care about them so there is no reason to even discuss joint custody. You don't respect them and the hard work they do. They are a huge reason our economy booms. They do all those back breaking jobs that no one else wants to do. Why? Because they believe in the future. Like we do. Like you once did. But sadly not anymore.
Good luck with that making you great again thing.
That's all we have to say. From now on you can speak to us through our attorney Mr. Eric Holder
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