American Hustled: Hey Academy I thought you really really liked David O. Russell. Ten nominations and you couldn't come up with one statue for his movie? I'm not his biggest fan but sheesh you just put his movie up there with THE TURNING POINT and THE COLOR PURPLE in the category of Most Futility in Oscar History. Or are you all just jealous that he seems to have Jennifer Lawrence committed to any project he wants to do?
Worst Advertisement: Goldie Hawn and Kim Novak for the National Plastic Surgery Foundation. How many soon-to-be med school graduates started rethinking their career paths? How many Beverly Hills matrons starting thinking "ooh maybe not"? Oh who am I kidding, anyone who gets plastic surgery deserves to end up looking like that. But just for the record, Kim Novak would have looked just FINE at 81 with no work.
Son of a Preacher Man: So they gave the Right Reverend McConaughey a chance to preach and he took advantage of the moment. Apparently his father was an adherent of The Redneck Book of How to Parent (which must have a strongly worded section about how you can never go wrong wearing a white tuxedo -- NOT). I'd like to think if I had the chance to meet the me from ten years from now I'd be saying "all right, all right, all right". Another example of why you don't let actors speak without a script. And speaking of that...
The Prettiest Kate in Christendom: Really Ms. Blanchett, you didn't think you were going to win? Yours was the only category that everyone got right in my Oscar pool. Hell, the whole world knew you were going to win. Couldn't you have prepared some remarks ahead of time? But thanks for giving the shout out to your theater company, that was kinda cool.
Best Advertisement: Pepsi is the winner for that wonderful commercial using all the famous movie lines. I think it was the most enjoyable part of the entire three hour show. Maybe next year you can get whoever directed it to do the Oscar telecast?
Huh?: So GRAVITY had the best director, the best cinematography, the best film editing, the best score, and a few other bests, but the Best Picture was 12 YEARS A SLAVE. Yeah I know, this is how the Academy says in effect it was really a tie, but come on Oscar voters. If you think a movie called GRAVITY doesn't have enough gravitas to be named Best Picture just because it's in that broad genre of Science Fiction then I would simply point to your own ceremonies of 45 years ago when you thought OLIVER! was a greater cinematic achievement than 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY.
Calling Ms. Adele Dazim: They play you on to the music from PULP FICTION, your great "comeback" movie (and definitely NOT a musical), but the teleprompter has you talking about how you love musicals because before that comeback you were the star of one musical and one sorta kinda musical. I can understand why you might have been nonplussed. Nevertheless, you had ONE thing to do last night and you mangled the name of the person you were introducing, who just happens to be a legitimate star of musicals. And this in a year with nominees like Chiwetel Ejiofor, Barkhad Abdi, Lupita Nyong'o, and Alfonso Cuarón. Okay Barbarino, it's time to go back to the planet Zerkon.
Real Life vs. Reel Life: In the category of Best Documentary there were movies about the transcendent nature of art, the secret wars our country is perpetrating, the bravery of those who would stand up to a dictator, and the very nature of good and evil. But the Academy thought they needed to reward a movie about how unfair it is that backup singers don't get the fame the musicians who they backup get. Yeah, you guys really have your priorities straight. And I say that having seen all five nominated films.
Hold the Anchovies: Oscar telecast host is becoming a thankless task. Other than the monologue, whatever you do half of the billion or so people who are watching are going to think it's just stupid. The other half went to the bathroom. Ordering pizza must have seemed like a funny idea, but I bet all those designers who loaned those front row actresses their dresses had heart attacks. And I'd like to know what they did with the money she collected to "pay" for the pizza. Hey Ellen, I sure hope Twitter going down because of your selfie didn't prevent some guy in Kiev from letting his people know he was alive.
The Needle and The Damage Done: The film industry lost a giant number of, well, giants in the past year. The biggest of the big is always the last picture in the In Memoriam segment. I had a private bet with myself as to who would be last this year. The little girl who kept the nations spirits up during the Great Depression? The film critic who made film criticism accessible to a greater number of people? I was betting on the guy who came riding out of the desert to become the greatest film star to have never won an Oscar. Nope, they gave it to the guy who couldn't deal with his demons and wasted a life filled with an enormous wealth of talent. P.S. This even though I was a big fan of PSH. P.P.S. What the hell was Bette Midler doing there?
Coming Attractions: More often then not, if someone is nominated for the same film in two different categories it's a director who also had a writing credit or a producer credit. This year Alfonso Cuaron was nominated, and won, in the directing and film editing categories. Is that signaling a shift in the focus of films, away from the person who can articulate their vision on the written page as well as the screen over to someone who can only give you stunning visual statements? That's a time will tell question. Oh and for the record, Cuaron wasn't the only duel winner. Catherine Martin won the award for costume design as well as production design. Of course she had the advantage of sleeping with the director (oh quiet, she's Baz Lurhman's wife).
I got 21 out of 24 in the pool and lost by one to the guy who picked GRAVITY in every category. But a great time was had by all. Nancie you can make me red velvet cupcakes any time!
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